DJ Manifold

Harmonica Valence

The track "Harmonica Valence" has never been released (because Manifold can't remember playing it live on stage, never mind how he created it on the fly in front of 2000 people). He says it was a tribute to his deceased fiancée, Emily Valence.

A reviewer states:

Despite Manifold having to be helped onto the stage, with a bottle of whisky in his hand? Manifold somehow pulled off the best gig I have ever seen in my life! After destroying one of his keyboards and a mixer by spilling whisky over them, there was nothing but his three custom-built drum machines pounding out an insane beat. At this point, Manifold obviously became confused and turned off two of the drum machines, slowed the beat down, took a massive line of Octameth, drank more whisky, and then shook his head. After that, he seemed to just randomly tweak knobs until the darkest, craziest and scariest sounds imaginable caused dozens to walk out in horror!

Manifold nodded in satisfaction, snorted another huge line of Octameth, then pulled out a harmonica! He played a single long note (badly) as he struggled to stay on his feet. Another few dozen walked out. Manifold played another two notes on top of that (badly), put it through some insane processing, reverb and echo effects, then looped it. It was absolutely terrifying as it echoed around the club! Manifold didn't seem happy that it was terrifying enough, so he snorted more drugs, then played another note, and this time, he seemed satisfied. Unlike everyone else, who were looking at Manifold in horror. He dropped the drum machines until it became some sort of weird, crazy pulse? And yet,  somehow, miraculously, everything almost synced together. It took five minutes for Manifold's team to replace his keyboard and mixer, but he seemed oblivious and demanded another bottle of whisky. Even though he still had a bottle in his hand. Manifold continued to play the harmonica for another eight minutes until it all layered up into complete and utter broken madness!

Then he finished the first bottle of whisky he'd forgotten all about, opened the second and just did nothing for around a minute as the feedback loop twisted into complete insanity. He seemed quite proud of the mess of noise and utter darkness. He was oblivious as more people walked (or ran) away in terror!

DJ Manifold seemed to realise that he'd gone a little too far, and toned it down, and the sound of the harmonica slowly echoing into something not quite so insane was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my life. Manifold seemed to agree, given he spun in a circle and started dancing.

It was all layering up into some sort of madness that somehow made sense? It was about to become too much, and yet Manifold just hovered there, finger over his mixer, and you could see him counting out the beats like a drunken idiot who was struggling to count to 16. The crowd were screaming at him to drop the beat, though he seemed oblivious, and I don't think he even knew the crowd were there. I think that he thought he was alone in his home studio, given that he then took another line of Octameth. Manifold danced a little more and waited. By this point, I had goosebumps, and everyone was so frustrated that they were screaming at him. They were threatening to kill him if he didn't drop the bass. But Manifold waited until it all merged into this insane... harmonica music?

And then, he still didn't drop the beat? He silenced the first drum machine! The crowd were literally screaming at him with somewhere between wet panties, love, hate, murder, and a lot more murder! There was nothing but this crazy harmonica music that was somehow, almost there? I saw one person throw up, and another threw a bottle at him, which he somehow caught in mid-air, then frowned at because it was empty. He just placed it on the floor in confusion and somehow didn't fall over in the process.

I'm frankly amazed that nobody killed him, but all the same, there was a steady build of anticipation.

It was beautiful! It was horrific! It was dark! But it was perfect! It wasn't perfect? It was madness? It was perfect madness?

Although you couldn't see Manifold's face through his mask, you knew that he was grinning. You could see him nodding his head to the beat everyone wanted.

And then, somehow, it all just came together?

Manifold kicked in the most ferocious snare drums I've ever heard!

And everyone was screaming at him in fury now. It was so close, but where was the beat?

He seemed confused as he took a drink of whisky and another line of Octameth. I suspect he kicked in the snares instead of the bass by mistake, but it worked out perfectly. I think he was so wasted that he was trying to work out which button to press.

But then again, maybe not. He considered for some time and tweaked a few knobs. Then he nodded as if he was unsure.

Manifold shrugged nonchalantly, then he finally dropped the beat!

And the bass was like nothing I've ever heard in my life! It caught my throat as it rattled my rib cage!

But I was already dancing! It was the most beautiful thing I have heard in my life! It was pure perfection!

The club went wild! Everyone went insane! Including Manifold! Including me! The entire dancefloor erupted, and it was just utter madness! We hadn't realised that Manifold had been slowly upping the tempo, but it became obvious as it all synced together. It was like 130 BPM of insanity!

At this point, given the cheers and the screaming were almost as deafening as the bass, I think Manifold finally realised that he was actually playing live on stage in front of 2,000 people. He looked down at his harmonica in confusion and put it in his pocket. He then looked semi-competent as he furiously twiddled knobs, shook his head, shouted at his support staff, then shrugged. It seems they hadn't planned for Manifold to pour whisky over his drum machine and keyboard. Then he considered, seemed happy, and spun in a circle as he danced. And he danced like a nutter, occasionally twisting a knob, then turned off the drum machines! And people were furious! It wasn't enough!

But Manifold was still dancing to some sort of beat in his head as he furiously worked on the drum machines! And he danced and spun in circles as the crowd screamed for more.

But people were starting to dance to that hidden, crazy beat with him. And it went on for ages! Three or four minutes as it built and built and built. And then Manifold spun and kicked in everything at the same time as two of his drum machines threw out the most insane beat I've ever heard. People took a step back as the wall of sound and bass washed over them.

I was already dancing!

Then he kicked in the other drum machine and started playing the keyboard at the same time!

Manifold knows how to play the keyboard, if not the harmonica! He was making it up on the spot. It was like nothing I've ever heard before. It was darkness on a level I couldn't imagine. People, including myself, were crying at how sad it was, and yet, we were dancing! It was beautiful, miserable, dark, but not dancing simply wasn't an option!

Something utterly beautiful was born! I saw at least four people carried out because they couldn't keep up! He just sped up the tempo. Faster and faster, until people couldn't dance fast enough. Apart from Manifold, of course!

It was the darkest, most insane music anyone has ever heard. Manifold again looked confused, but he seemed to finally agree on 145 BPM. At this point, he took his legendary jacket off for the first time because he was so hot from dancing, then played his harmonica! Whilst he danced around like a crazed idiot. Finally, he seemed to again remember that 2,000 people were watching him. Once again he looked down at his harmonica in confusion, put it in his pocket, found focus, and ramped it up to 150 BPM. He gave people a break from the wall of sound for a couple of minutes. Then he dropped the bass again, and the crowd went insane! The club erupted.

During his encore, police moved to arrest Manifold, given that he had been blatantly snorting drugs on stage. To the crowd's shock, Manifold ran off stage. However thirty seconds later, Manifold ran back onto the stage, still being pursued by CPF officers and bouncers. He spun a few knobs, pressed a few buttons and turned off the drum machines with precision timing, and let the still looping sound of the harmonica continue. It reverberated as it quietened. Manifold was handcuffed, then led off stage by police. It went on for four minutes. Four minutes of insanity as it slowly ramped down to silence! The crowd went wild, and they were already wild! And then, something happened? The cheers stopped! It was beautiful, but it was so sad that I was in tears. Half of the club was in tears as it faded down to that silence. There wasn't a single sound because to have interrupted that sheer beauty would have been a crime!

And when it finally stopped? The cheers were near deafening!

There are multiple claims that this was all a publicity stunt and Manifold wasn't really arrested. No, they were real CPF officers. Manifold was found to be in possession of pure Octameth, Slide and Excite. He received a two-year jail sentence, though his lawyers argued that he was still recovering from the loss of his betrothed, Emily Valence, and had mental health issues (which was no surprise to anyone). In the end, his sentence was reduced to 3 months, and he was out within weeks...

Claims that Manifold bought shares in Harmonica companies before the gig, when the sale of Harmonica’s shares went through the roof, are confirmed to be false. Manifold has been offered hundreds of thousands to release the harmonica track, but was reportedly quoted from his jail cell, saying. "Don't be ridiculous. I played my harmonica on stage? I use that old thing for calibrating my notes and frequencies, but I don't actually play it? I mean, I don't even know how to play the harmonica?”

Several harmonica experts have confirmed that Manifold has no clue how to play the harmonica, and it was all done by playing notes badly, combined with intense reverb and feedback loops. The same experts have attempted to reproduce Manifold's technique, but it seems they are just as clueless as Manifold as to how he managed it. Manifold denied that he was even at the gig, given that he couldn't remember it.

After being shown the video footage in court, Manifold burst into tears. He claimed it was a tribute to Emily Valence. After that, he laughed for a long time and danced in court like the crazed lunatic he is. Manifold said it was the most hilarious thing he'd ever seen in his life, and Emily would have loved it! Then Manifold burst into tears once more and, after being led out of court and released, he took another two month hiatus...