Reaper

Rants From The Reaper - Draft Blurb [Long Version]

Tales Of The Reaper

Rants From The Reaper – In Blood And Tears

As I was born in blood and tears! As I was wed in blood and tears! I was summoned in blood and tears!

There is a cost to summoning The Reaper. The blood tithe. All must pay the blood tithe. I actually just made up the blood tithe (though don’t tell anyone that) to freak people out. I thought that my having to taste their blood and tears was pretty freaky anyway? It might put my summoners off?

But my summoner, Alice, has gone too far. She hasn’t just broken the core rules; I’ve had to make up brand new core rules for her to break? Nonsensical rules that I hadn’t even considered as an option. I mean, seriously?

• Nobody smiles at The Reaper!

• Nobody says thank you to The Reaper!

• Nobody shouts at The Reaper!

• Nobody slaps The Reaper!

• Nobody buys The Reaper an ale!

• Nobody claims that The Reaper isn’t a Demon, and instead just a fifteen year old boy, who is obviously drunk!

But if there are two core rules that nobody should ever break? Alice might be in danger of breaking them? Then I’d definitely have to kill her!

• Nobody hugs The Reaper!

• Nobody kisses The Reaper!

But it’s not just Alice breaking core rules? Now the entire town is. I didn’t rescue the town, that’s not what I do. I just killed all the raiders. That’s my job? Killing! Then they gave me a room in the inn, and it’s actually a lot comfier than sleeping in dank caves. And now they’re buying me ale? They’re not scared of me?

• Nobody tells The Reaper that he isn’t old enough to drink ale!

• Buying The Reaper ale is however, now permissible...

• But everyone is scared of The Reaper!

Anyway, I’ve done my job, and I’ve killed the raiders. So now I’m going to take my blood tithe from Alice and be unsummoned. I don’t care about the army coming to kill Alice and the town, because that wasn’t my job! Then again, weren’t the raiders part of that larger army? And I’ve never killed an entire army before? And I love killing! And I just made up the blood tithe anyway?

And Alice has already broken every core rule that I made up? In fact, I’ve had to make up quite a few new rules for Alice to break. And I can’t kill Alice or the town for breaking those rules if the army kills them first? And killing is my job, not the armies? So, I guess it’s quite simple? I need to kill an entire army!

Though I’m not quite sure if I can kill the entire army by myself before they reach the town? Not that I care about the town! Or Alice!

The Reaper doesn’t ask for help, though I did leave that scout alive. I let him live because he was quite a nice guy? Maybe he and the town might help? Maybe we could set up some defences and slow down the army’s advance? But only because that would be fun, and involve a lot of killing! And blood! And tears!

I love killing! I love blood! I love tears!

It’s a conundrum.

I love that word!

Conundrum!

Actually, and don’t tell anyone this, but honestly?

I hate killing! I hate blood! I hate tears!

I mean, what the hell is wrong with the world?

I love my daggers, my cloak, the dark, the moon (though I’ve never seen a full moon I’d love to), pine needles, stained glass windows, flowers, chocolate cookies (with crushed almonds), Illusion Rum, Alice’s eyes when she laughs (but whatever you do, don’t tell her I said that), cool streams, roast chicken (only with thick gravy), the breeze, lightning storms, and ale is really starting to grow on me. And I love so many other things.

Don’t be ridiculous, I’m just confused. Alice is a witch! She’s somehow muddling with my head? I need to focus! I’m a Demon! I love killing, blood, and tears! I am Death! Actually, I’m not really Death; myself and Death have just come to an accord! Personally, I think Death is somewhat overzealous!

I love that word!

Overzealous!

Though not with regards to Death...

Now there’s a conundrum?

Anyway, I have an army to kill!

I am The Reaper!