A long time ago, in a land far far away, there were twelve beings...

Shut up!

When I say away, it's time for you to stay, and when in dismay...

I'm not a being, and I'm not staying.

You don't really have much choice in the matter.

When you refuse to play, come what may, come join the fray, follow the grey, though you'd better weigh, the fact I can't say, that I don't sway, the path that I lay...

Twelve frozen not beings, bored, bored, bored...

And in that land far far away there was...

Shut up!

I wish you were far far away!

When they forget the way, their feet of clay, I won't stray, I won't delay, for he will pay, one day I will slay...

I saw a whale once! 

Liar!

I'm cold.

...twelve cold dead whales!

I did, honestly! It came right up to me, it was huge.

Please stop!

And those twelve dead whales lay trapped beneath...

I'm not a whale, but I saw one! Though I wouldn't mind being a whale now I think about it? It was huge. It came right up to me!

What year is it?

I wish you were a whale, then you might swim away and shut up!

That wouldn't work! Then he'd just be a dead whale trapped beneath the ice...

I would not! Don't be mean.

It's year 504 of the eternal winter by my count.

And those twelve whales...look, is nobody listening to me? I'm trying to tell a story here.

When listens the twelve, look at yourselves, the whales turn to elves...

So when you say it's year 504 of the eternal winter, just how long exactly does this eternal winter last?

I saw an elf once!

Shut up! Please stop!

What did it taste like?

Well it's eternal winter, how long do you think it lasts?

What did what taste like?

The elf? What did it taste like?

But even eternal winter must get bored?

Well I didn't eat it!

Well it doesn't really matter whether eternal winter is bored or not, does it? I mean it's eternal, just like us. I'm bored of this eternal winter, and this eternal winter is likely just as bored of us!

Ah! So is this like a stand off then? Are we trying to bore this eternal winter out of its mind? If so we're probably winning, and by quite some considerable margin!

I hate you!

I'm not sure if eternal winter can get bored.

I'm pretty sure eternal winter thought the exact same thing, but somehow we've managed to persuade it otherwise. Eternal winter must be thoroughly bored to tears by now.

Eternal winter will go on forever and ever and ever and ever. For eternity. So the fact is eternal winter's probably not bored, in fact it's likely quite happy! Eternally happy. And it's eternal. In fact it's eternally eternal! Eternally eternally happy. And it'll be eternally eternal forever and ever and...

Do you never have anything cheery to say?

I wish I was eternal winter.

Shut up!

It's not winter! It's summer. I can see the sun.

Oh rub it in why don't you! Ooh, I can see the sun! I'm closest to the surface! Listen to me!

She can't see the sun, she doesn't have any eyes!

Now that's just being mean!

I'm not being mean, I'm telling the truth. None of us have eyes.

I'm not cold and I have eyes, and I can see the sun! I can feel the sun!

I hate you!

Liar! You're the furthest down of all of us! You're the coldest. And you're dead. And you've no eyes. So you can't possibly see the sun!

Now that is just being mean on a whole new level!

I can too see the sun! I'm flying amongst the clouds, and as I soar above them I can feel the sun on my scales, and it's all so beautiful. And I can feel the wind rippling across my wings, and the sky is blue, and as I soar higher and higher...and...and...why is it always so cold?

When they talk of an elf, look at yourself, look at that elf, it turns into a shelf...

Please stop!

Why didn't you eat it?

I saw a shelf once!

Liar!

I'm bored.

I did too! It even had books on it.

Why didn't I eat what?

The elf?

Please stop!

Well because the elf was a shelf, and they aren't well known for their nutritional value. And besides, I was on a diet.

I ate a shelf once.

Liar!

Please shut up!

I did too! It even had books on it.

I hate you!

Word count statistical analysis routine b3c1

{Level 4 match detected}

Power Level: 0.30763% CRITICAL

Activating in 3,2...

Cancelled.

Extreme Power Save Mode Enabled

Offline

Did you hear that?

Hear what?

I thought OTHER said something?

There is no OTHER.

I heard it too.

Liar!

When we discover, that there's no OTHER, could we uncover another, could we smother a lover, could we recover another, did these books have a cover..?

I saw a whale once!

Shut up!

What did it taste like?

When will this other, we did not discover, take off its cover, to become something other, perhaps a new brother..?

Well I didn't eat it!

A long time ago, in a land far far away...

Chapter 9