I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined,

and that we can do nothing to change it,

look before they cross the road.

- Stephen Hawking -

It is a fiercely debated argument as to whether the 'Honest Return' was originally named such genuinely, or as a joke.

Either way it is now known to all (by some with fondness, and others in disgust) as the 'Dishonest Return'.

Raz'Kul shook his head as he thought to himself miserably.

Probably not the wisest place for the man with the second largest bounty ever known to be hiding out?

Raz'Kul nervously opened a small crack in the curtains to scan the alley from the second floor window of the inn.

The tinkling of hundreds of bells, or chimes (or whatever the blasted things were) reverberated in time to the rainbow of multi-coloured lights playing across Raz'Kul's hawk like features.

Raz'Kul hissed in frustration. “Can't you quiet those blasted chimes? And maybe tone down the light display a bit?”

“Don't you know I'm a wanted man? I have a 40,000 shard bounty on my head. Dead Or Alive! And I suspect you may have something to do with that.”

An unconcerned voice replied lazily, every word echoing in time to the chimes. “I am well aware of your situation Raz'Kul, and you can't blame me for your current predicament.”

The melodic voice continued. “However I have enclosed this room in a dampening field. I can assure you nobody can see or hear us. You really don't need to peek through the curtains. We cannot be detected from outwith my dampening field. Well unless someone was to physically enter the room that is.”

“Or I suspect much more likely...kick the door down?”

“Besides, your bounty has just been doubled. It is now 80,000 shards.”

“80,000!” Raz'Kul cursed in frustration, spinning to focus on what he was now convinced was the reason for this turn of events. And he was once again stunned to silence by the sheer beauty and ridiculousness of the sight before him...

Magenta coloured smoke curled up from the floor in what could only be described as a miniature tornado. Multicoloured flashing lights spun in and out of that tornado, like fireflies or tiny stars caught up in its fury. As the smoke entwined upwards the rotation became less chaotic, and further up still it seemed to solidify into the torso of a smartly dressed human like figure. 

But even if that wasn't enough to convince Raz'Kul, there was absolutely no doubt - this was no human!

The beings eyes glittered like glowing purple gemstones, the left eye overlaid by some sort of device. It looked almost like a monocle with multiple continuously shifting lenses, and Raz'Kul suspected they were seeing things not only beyond the confines of his room, but beyond his comprehension.

Four purple orbs (disturbingly similar in appearance to the creatures eyes) circled its head in lazy orbits. Raz'Kul had spent a good ten minutes just watching those orbs, to see what would happen when their seemingly random orbits caused them to collide.

To his disappointment, and despite coming close - they never did collide. However on later reflection Raz'Kul realised he should probably be thankful of that fact. He suspected each orb likely contained more than enough power to turn the Dishonest Return to ashes.

The bald headed being was wearing on its top half a spotless white shirt, a light blue overcoat, and a dark blue hooded cloak. This ensemble, combined with the pinks and purples should have clashed horrifically – yet somehow, it didn't.

Raz'Kul was positive the outfit was both very expensive, and the absolute height of fashion. Well it might have been two or three hundred years ago anyway!

A glowing green gem was attached to the creatures belt, and Raz'Kul's initial plan to try to steal it had lasted around three seconds. Just looking directly at that gem gave Raz'Kul a blinding headache, and he now had even less inclination to touch it, than he did to look at it.

His eyes were again drawn downwards, following the trail of smoke as that miniature whirlwind tapered down faster and faster - finally ending at a single point. Raz'Kul laughed at the ridiculousness of the ancient, battered and tarnished copper lamp that spewed out this all powerful Genie.

Taking offence at this scrutiny, the Genie looked Raz'Kul up and down condescendingly in return. The Genie took in Raz'Kul's sharp angular features, and his cropped short black hair. He wore a black leather jerkin over a black shirt, fingerless black leather gloves, and a black cloak and hood.

The Genie sighed at the black leather belt with various compartments, pouches, a black handled dagger, and the rather obvious lock pick set (without even an attempt to conceal its purpose). It noted his obviously very expensive boots, crafted for stealth, speed and climbing, over black leggings with re-enforced leather.

In fact the only thing that wasn't black was Raz'Kul's angular face, and his piercing, calculating blue eyes.

The Genie laughed at Raz'Kul as he proclaimed in a cheery whisper. “You know Raz'Kul? I may have some advice for you!”

“Oh really?” Raz'Kul responded suspiciously.

The Genie continued mockingly. “Oh don't worry, you get this one for free! You know for a thief with the largest bounty ever known on his head..?” 

“Have you ever considered looking a little less like a thief, or assassin, or...whatever look it is you're going for there?”

The Genie continued dryly, every word echoing with chimes. “They do still have the concept of disguise in these times? Or has that mystical arcane knowledge been somehow lost in the last twenty years?”

Raz'Kul glanced at himself in the cracked desk mirror, and grudgingly admitted - the Genie might have a point. Not that he'd admit that outwardly of course, so instead he changed the subject. “So explain this to me again Genie, just so we have it clear...”

“You're telling me you're an all powerful, all seeing, magical Genie?”

Raz'Kul nodded at the Genie with a grin. “And no offence intended, you also look the part! If that's the look you're going for there?”

The Genie crossed its arms and glared at Raz'Kul.

Raz'Kul continued. “However I don't actually get three wishes? And the one wish I do get...isn't really a wish at all? And in fact you can't even guarantee me that my wish will come true?”

“If I was to wish for a hundred thousand shards, you can't summon them with a click of your all powerful fingers?” Raz'Kul snapped his fingers to deliver his point. “And maybe throw in a wheelbarrow for me to cart them about in? In fact you can't even tell me where I might find a hidden cache of a hundred thousand shards?”

The Genies glare deepened as Raz'Kul paced the room, and continued. “If I wished to become the greatest wizard in the New Empire? You can't grant me magical powers? You can't in fact tell me where I might find a magical staff?”

“Or maybe...I don't know? A spell book? A magic ring? A cloak? I'm not all that fussy really. Any of those would do!”

“If I wished for the Elixir Of Life? You can't tell me its exact location, or even how to get it?”

The Genies eyes narrowed further as the chimes rattled in discord to match its irritation. “Raz'Kul! You get one wish, and I will provide information on how you might best achieve that wish. I will provide you with...let's call it a guide. I will provide you with hints and suggestions as to where the answers to your wish might be found.” 

“I will point you to the locations, people, events, or whatever is most likely to make your wish become reality.”

The Genie continued. “But Raz'Kul? If you're expecting the co-ordinates to 'The Elixir Of Life', a map with a route through the maze, a key to unlock the gates, and the magic word to put the Behemoth guarding it to sleep?”

“No! I can't do that...”

Raz'Kul's eyes lit up in triumph. “Aha! So there is an Elixir Of Life.”

The Genie seemed to falter for the first time. “No Raz'Kul. There is no Elixir Of Life. Well not to my knowledge anyway, and I see almost everything. I made all that up. And as I said before, if you wish for something that doesn't exist, or simply isn't possible - I wouldn't be able to provide you with any information on how to achieve it.”

“In that case you'd waste your single wish. And do you know Raz'Kul, at this moment I'm really kind of hoping you do go down that route!”

The Genie continued. “Do you think I'd be stupid enough to just give you all that information? A Genie cannot impart information until the wish has been made.”

Raz'Kul replied with a smug grin. “Ah, but you did just tell me The Elixir Of Life DOESN'T exist! Thank you Genie. Right, what shall we cross off the list next then?”

The Genie sighed, then after a short pause laughed in resignation opening its arms to provide Raz'Kul with a mock bow. “Well played Raz'Kul, you get that one for free as well.”

Raz'Kul sat down at his desk to ponder the conundrum. “So I don't wish for the Elixir Of Life, but instead I wish for...a means to immortality? I need to keep it vague, yet also unambiguous and achievable? All at the same time?”

Realising the Genie wasn't taking the bait Raz'Kul switched tactics. “You know this really isn't what I expected! Honestly it sounds like either a complete waste of time or some sort of trick.”

The Genie crossed its arms once more and glowered at Raz'Kul. “Well first off Raz'Kul, I'm not sure how you could have expected anything? Given you didn't even know that Genie's existed until an hour ago?”

“And second? You might argue my former employer, the King - you know the guy who you just stole me from? Well he seems to have done pretty well for himself in the last twenty years?”

“Raz'Kul if you think you can anger me, or bait me into giving you information for free? Think again, many have tried, all have failed.”

Raz'Kul sensed the slightest hesitation in the Genies words, a potential weakness he pounced on. “How many have failed?”

The Genie replied defensively. “Well, you know? Lots!”

Raz'Kul pressed his advantage. “So are you like a beginner? Do you Genies have ranks? How come I get the amateur?”

Raz'Kul looked up at the roof and queried in a half shout. “Management? Can I get an upgrade please?”

The Genie glared at Raz'Kul, and this time purple lightning crackled in its eyes. Raz'Kul took a step back wondering if perhaps he'd pushed things too far.

The Genies voice shook the walls.

“HOW DARE YOU! I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW...”

Then surprisingly, as quickly as the Genie's fury had started, it stopped. The Genie let out a sigh. It seemed to have been sighing a lot since it had met Raz'Kul? 31 sighs in 48 minutes? That was definitely a new record!

“Look Raz'Kul, truthfully I'm 420 years old. That may be old for you humans, but for a Genie, and given we spend most of our time locked away in dusty vaults? Well I guess I might be considered the equivalent of a ten year old human. Now you get that one for free as well. Stop baiting me and make your wish!”

Raz'Kul grinned in celebration of his success. “420? Well in that case surely a few more minutes or hours must be nothing to your good self? I'll stop baiting you when you stop rushing me. I can see the possibilities obviously, but I'm still not sure how all this works! I need to think...”

The Genie considered this for a moment then queried. “Raz'Kul, have you heard of the butterfly effect?”

Raz'Kul nodded. “Yes of course! The theory that a butterfly farting at the other end of the world can cause a tornado hundreds of miles away?”

The Genie laughed. “Not quite how I would have put it, but yes! A decision made in a heartbeat? A single piece of knowledge? Even a single word can change the world, and I'll give you a lot more than a single word Raz'Kul. And you might not have as much time as you think!”

Raz'Kul nervously peeked back through the curtains to scan the alley once more.

Probably not the wisest place for the man with the largest bounty ever known to be hiding out?

“Why ARE you rushing me Genie? For someone who's been sitting in a dusty vault for the last 20 years, and obviously loves to talk - you seem to be in an awful hurry? Just let me think for a minute.”

The Genie nodded solemnly. “As you wish.”

Raz'Kul laughed. “Very funny!” 

Raz'Kul tried a different approach. “So tell me Genie? What do most people wish for?”

The Genie sighed even deeper this time, accompanied by a cacophony of very miserable sounding chimes. “Almost all wish for exactly what you suggest Raz'Kul. Endless riches! To be the King! To be an all powerful wizard! Eternal life!”

The Genie continued sadly. “It's all so tiring, and it's all so selfish. Now wouldn't it be nice if someone wished for something selfless? Just for once? Something for the greater good?”

Raz'Kul snorted in amusement. “The greater good? Don't be ridiculous Genie. you've been locked away in that dusty vault for too long. Like what? World peace? An end to famine?” 

Raz'Kul started pacing and the Genie noted the wear on the floorboards. Raz'Kul obviously paced a lot when he ranted, and he obviously ranted a lot.

“The world is as it is. The world is as it has always been. You claim to see all Genie? You surely know this. The world is full of the rich trampling over the poor. The strong dominating the weak. The rich get richer, and the strong get stronger. There's always a war. If I wished to stop the current war? Another would spark up within weeks.”

“You said yourself Genie, you can't summon something that doesn't exist? That you can only provide information? Well no information will change base human nature...”

The Genie again crossed its arms, yet for once did not fill the obvious gap Raz'Kul had left for it. Instead the being watched Raz'Kul intently. The Genie's chimes had lowered to a faint background whisper. It was almost as if the Genie was waiting for something..?

Although Raz'Kul had only just met the Genie, this silence seemed out of character for someone who obviously loved to argue as much as he did.

However Raz'Kul's rants were legendary – and there was no stopping him once he got started.

“Ridiculous Genie! What would you suggest I wish for?”

“An end to the plague? Which plague?”

“World peace? Nonsense!”

“Shards for the poor?”

“Food for the hungry?”

“Or perhaps something from the children's tales?”

“Should I wish to rescue a fairy princess?”

“Should I wish to marry a fairy princess?”

“Then I could live happily ever after?”

“Or maybe I should wish for wings to fly to the moon?“

“Or to slay a dragon perhaps? I'm sorry Genie, I'm afraid there's no dragons left!”

“Or perhaps I could wish for the return of the dragons?”

“Maybe I should wish to save the world from some impending doom..?”

And everything stopped...

Chapter 2