Historian: "We are now approaching Shadow Falls! To your left you can see the sweeping sands of..."

"... yet more desert, more sand, and over to the right, the legendary...dead bush!" 

"My! Isn't that an interesting sand dune. It looks a little like a sleeping puppy to me. And, talking of sleeping..."

"WAKE UP!"

"Ah! That got your attention! Someone nudge, err, what's his name, Barthus? He's still snoring!"

"Thankyou! I would remind you all of the safety briefing..."

"Utterly amazing! These words of power that can force sleep upon the listener. A spell more powerful than any master word. The Safety Briefing!"

"WAKE UP!"

"Look, I know nobody read the safety briefing! Did you know, that's intentional! See that really small print, in that really annoying font? It's deliberate! You're not supposed to read it! 

"If you did, you would know, no matter what happens, we refuse to pay out on that extra insurance you signed up for. Thankyou for that, by the way! I get a nice bonus each year when all your insurance claims are rejected."

"And behold! The second words of power! The only known counter-spell against The Safety Briefing. I name these words of power 'The Wallet Attack'"

"Now I finally have your attention! You see that final page, the one with the very big red letters? READ IT NOW!"

"I find it quite worrying that not ONE of you has asked, that given there are THREE Teleportation Portals in the vicinity, which is TWO MORE than any other location. Why are we approaching Shadow Falls by rail? Using a decrepit, slow, dusty, old, train? 

"...WITH NO AIR CONDITIONING!" 

"The three Teleportation Portals are YOUR ESCAPE EXITS back to the Teleportation Hub!"

Barthus: "But look at the tour picture, the place is beautiful! It is...pink! Is that real cherry blossom? I have never seen anything so beautiful. How can it be dangerous?"

Elisa: "Daddy, do you not listen to the Rambling Historian?" 

"This is Shadow Falls. The picture in the guide is of the home of Raz'Kul, and yes it is real Cherry Blossom! It is the only location you will find Cherry Blossom, out with the Serentiy Gardens in Severence. 

"The trees were planted from a sapling stolen by Raz'Kul from the Monks Of Severance. On that day The Monks Of Serenity, were not quite to serene. Apparently the magical urns deflect not only arrow fire, but have even stopped a ballista the monks set up to try and kill Raz'Kul! You saw a ballista when we visited the Assasins Guild!  Or you might have if you were not sleeping!"

"Raz'Kul has the largest price on his head ever recorded in the Empire!"

"Though Shadow Falls is not, technically in the empire. It appears on no map, and pays no taxes, and the King pretends it does not exist!"

Barthus: "Really? Why was this Raz'Kul not on the Assassins Guild bounty board, which we visited last week?"

Elisa: "Daddy do you never listen to the Rambling Historian? Raz'Kul is, sort of! You saw that gap right in the centre of the board. That is where his bounty was!"

Barthus: "But..?"

Elisa: "Daddy! Stop interrupting! 

"If you had listened, you would know you can see the bounty in "The Mixology Emporium" which we WILL see tomorrow! The details can found in year 412 in "A More Succint History". 

"Shadow Falls is named not, as most expect, name after a waterfall. It is actually named after the shadow meteor that fell from the earth. We will visit the crater after the festival!"

"This event united the warring Desert Tribes, for all of two weeks, just enough for them to forge the legendary Shadow Bane"

"Shadow Falls is home to The Ghost Warden, and the Ghost Wolf. Daddy, I want a Ghost Puppy for my birthday! You said I could have anything?"

"Shadow Falls is for a week, every summer, re-named "Rainbow Falls" for the Rainbow Festival, which starts...tomorrow! Yay..."

"I also want rainbow facepaint, and rainbow ice poles! Did you know it tastes of 8 different flavours!"

"Shadow Falls, no I'm calling it Rainbow Falls, as...as it's almost tomorrow!"

"Rainbow Falls is the only safe haven for those shunned by society, for those who strive to be different. It is a place where all are equal, and all are safe."

"It is a place where anyone can find peace in their souls, and be who they want to be, without fear of...repr...reprying souls?"

"I don't want anyone prying on my soul! My Ghost Puppy will protect me if they try!"

"And...Rainbow Falls has the legendary DEAD bush! And a sand dune, which looks like a sleeping puppy! Daddy, it was soooooo cute!  want a sand dune that looks like a sleeping puppy!"

However, the Rainbow Festival is rumoured to be a guise. A festival run by a Fell Demon, the Ghost Warden! A trick to entice the unwary with bright colours, repetitive beats, flashing lights, and ear-splitting music. An attempt corrupt our children, and capture their souls within the unknown depths of depravity. An event to consume the souls of our children!

"Daddy, what does depravity mean?"

[Applause and cheers from the tourists]

Historian: "The Rambling Historian? Is..is that what you call me?" 

"And, why did none of you clap or cheer for me?"

"Ahem, well, it is heartening that at least one person on this tour WAS listening to me!"

"Elsa, would you like a job? I am overdue retirement, and that was, quite simply, beautiful!"

Barthus: "And Succint!"

Historian: "Ahem, yes! Though Elisa, we should probably work on the 'corruption' and 'depravity' part!" 

"And, that comment about "king pretending it does not exist", I am sure you misheard me there! I would...appreciate it, if that was not repeated, ever!"

Elisa: "I'd love to be a Historian and magician like yourself! Will you teach me the spell of sleep? The Safety Briefing! And the awake spell? The Wallet Attack?"

Historian: "Of course, though I suspect you have already improved on my Wallet Attack."

Elisa: "And...only if I get a Ghost Puppy for my birthday!"

Historian: "That...may be more complex, but I'll see what I can do..."

Elisa: "And...and..a rainbow ice pole? No! TWO rainbow ice poles!"

Historian: "That is not a problem, if your father agrees?"

Barthus: "Hmmm? Yes, of course dear, whatever you want, best ask your mother!"

Elisa: "Yipee!"

Barthus: "Elisa! Only ONE rainbow ice pole! You know what you are like after too much sugar!"

"Does anyone have a magnifying glass? This font is ridiculous! Apparently, we are not insured if this bucket of bolts train crashes, breaks down, is hijacked by the desert tribes, is struck by lightning, or any other force of nature, is eaten by a sandworm, consumed by a black hole? There's 30 pages of this in the smallest font I have ever seen. Why didn't we use the portals, there's 3 of them here! Why are there 3? And why are they labelled Emergency Escape Route?"

Historian: "I am long overdue retirement..."